Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Sunshine is awesome

Sunshine truly is ridiculously, badassedly, hot-to-trot awesome.

I'm pretty sure I have SAD because in the winter I am sad.

SAD is no joke. Seasonal Affective Disorder. See that, I bolded the letters to show you why it's called SAD.

You know that feeling when the sunlight starts burning into you? Like you can pretty much literally feel your skin cooking? You liberal hippies and conservative wack-jobs probably call it that 'getting cancer' feeling.

I love that. It's awesome. It's like warming your bones. I need that like once every few days. It fuels me in this weird positive energy way. Like I know 'everyone loves the sunlight--it's only natural' but I'm talking I get way 'higher'. It's almost like sunshine is my drug. All winter I'm still pretty upbeat I'd say but nothing compares to sunny summer days. Sunlight is mega-cool.

They even say you get more vitamin D from sunlight.

I dare you to name any food or magic pill that can do that.

Summer Stats
--I dance about 7000% more at random
--I snap my fingers and air-drum 1100% more
--I can put up with ignorant customer's shit 3000% more
--I have a 300% increase in corny old-person joke outputtage
--I rock 4000% funkier on the bass
--I lift 50% more weight (when weight lifting)
--I run 40% farther (when running)
--I jump 11% higher (when sitting down)
--I do my work quicker and I'm generally 4000% more upbeat
--I take up crazy new hobbies
--I shampoo my hair -20% less
--I fight my dogs 300% more
--I argue with people 70% less
--My chance of curing cancer is 600% greater
--I can hold my breath longer (I'm not a scientist I don't know what %)
--I buy 220% more goods from girlscouts
--I shower -20% less
--I think I start to like my family more
--I swear 200% more
--I am inclined to give people compliments
--I build household bombs and plot against the government -10,000,000% less
--I like vegetables 3% more
--I threaten to murder, rape, and kill TV hockey referee's children -100% less
--I go out at night 511% more
--I drink beer 0% more. No, less.

So there you have it. Let's here it for sunshine.

It's time to get my 'italian' on.

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