Friday, September 11, 2009

What's the 9-1-1?


A Day Forever to Remember...Forever
...or something.

I forget.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not an anti-9/11 remembering-er, or a freedom hater, or a French-fried faggot! I just don't remember if it's called 'A Day in Infamy', 'A Tragedy of Forever Eternally', or 'The Greatest Show on Earth!'. (I doubt the last one)

I just don't have any strong attachments to NY, to the WTC, or to the USA in particular.

And again, I'm all for candles, and FOX specials, and patches on sports jerseys, and anti-terrorist bumper stickers, and people remembering their deceased friends and relatives. It's all good in my book. I just can't pretend it means more to me personally.

It didn't really affect my life in an unalterable way. I don't know anyone who was hurt by it directly. I don't know anyone who died that day. I don't even know anyone who directly knows someone who died that day. I'm sure if I did this blog would be called Liquid Molten 9/11 and I'd have more brightly colored pictures, more stories about how I really really really hate terrorists, more colorful language, and fancy red, white, and blue trim on the borders of the page. But I don't. And I won't.

Sept. 11, 2001
LaSalle College HS

Me and Mike Dougherty meet after homeroom in the caff
1st period FREE and 2nd period FREE.
We're bored and walk to 7-11.
In 7-11, on a TV, they show the first plane crash into the WTC.
7-11 Pretzels are so hot and so doughy and so good.
I turn to M-Doc "Stupid Italians"
I really believe the World Trade Center is in Italy
We get back to school an hour later & everyone is going nuts.
TV's on everywhere.
Faculty, students, everyone quiet. Just watching.
Second plane crash couldn't be a mistake. US is under attack.
Oh shit, I think the WTC is in New York.
It is.
Rest of day is spent talking and watching news.
At home I get a call from a Meghan.
Meghan who?
It's not Meghan O'Neil from up the street (my current GF!)
It's Meghan 'Horse-Sex' Mayers from work (Freddy Hill)
She loves horses. Like alot.
She stares up at Thunderstorms laying on her front lawn w goggles.
That's not normal.
I'm not really friends w her -- but I know she likes me.
She just wants to know if I'm ok.
I, and everyone I know, is ok. I mess w her a little.
I say 'Oh, yea, didn't some plane crash or something'
She tells me the news.
I say 'I better go so no planes crash into Lansdale'
Hang out w some friends.
Talk about how crazy the whole thing is.
Go home. Go to bed.
Possibly inebriated.
Talk about it on the news and in school alot.
That's it.

(I typed 'anti-terrorism' into google images and got this: segway + soldier = awesome.)

And that's how 9/11 was to me. And I understand it was hell on earth to some people, but I'm not gonna pretend to be one of them. It was whatev. Terrorists are gay. Tragedies happen all over the place I feel bad for. NY is the hometown of the NY Giants.

All a bunch of facts. All whatevs. I actually feel the worst for Horse Sex. She was a nice enough girl, just more into lightning storms and horses than I was. And I totally would dropkick a terrorist for attacking the US and all if I saw him, but there aren't many here in L-Dale.

I think that's my problem. I need more terrorist attacks here to really 'get into it'. I mean, for it to really hit home, ya know?

Let's just see those faggots just try and torch a Holstein cow at Freddy Hill. You'll get your come-uppins shithead. Wanna set yourself up w explosives and go to the cheap Gulf station everyone goes to at Valley Forge and Allentown and suicide bomb there? Fuck you, asshole! This is America! Maybe try and fly a plane into The Bowling Alley on Main st? I don't fucking think so. You mess w one patron at the Montgommery Mall and you mess w all of us you towel-wearing bitch.

Cause these colors don't run, terrorist dick-hole. I'll go so far as to call a Jihad on your Jihad. I got your 47 Virgins buddy-- and they're all 35 year-old hentai-loving dudes who live in their mom's basements. I'll call you a coward to your face and piss on a picture of your leader Osama in my urinal. This is Lansdale dickcheese, and we will fuck your terrorist ass into the next millenium.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Too Good Too Post

Things I've been doing instead of posting stupid, retarded blogs on the even stupider, more retarded internet.

-flying over Russia in a manual (not electric) helicopter
-sharing hash with the pope
-wake-boarding along the schuykill river
-dropkicking a termite
-dividing by zero
-listening to the new porcupine tree CD
-engineering soap that wont burn your eyes
-recording music backwards.
-setting up a trust fund for the clintons
-eating liquid nitrogen
-working on my slapshot
-watching hockey youtube videos
-making love to my girlfriend... from another continent
-chewing bubblicious gum
-listening to celine dieon and crying at night
-getting a 'cole hamels' haircut
-wanting to play more drums
-staring directly into the sun for 6 days... and 3 nights
-writing children's books in human blood
-smoking 4 joints at night and driving a schoolbus full of children
-trying to do fantasy football
-trying not to get arrested
-defeating robots at chess
-smiling at the end of green mile
-thinking about skynet
-smoking cigars and thinking about life
-getting my 'freak' on
-teaching dolphins to fly in reverse
-melting ice cubes with my mind
-watching inglorious basterds last night
-shaking my own hand -- using only my right hand
-laying down the funk

so as you can see, i may never be on the internet to post again.
i'm busy as fuck.