Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Evil-ution: Story of Dudes

So I was thinking about evolution the other day. (What? You don't?)

Legit, though--

I was thinking of evolution, possibly because I'm weird, whatever. But I was trying to figure out how we're the top of the chain. Because, let's face it, obviously we are. Right? And obviously we'd know when another species came to fruition and populated the earth if it was superior. Right? And when it comes it'll obviously be a bulbous-headed, 4-finger, (I mean, who uses the pinky. Just look at my hand), super-intelligent future-beast. Right?

No fucking clue.

I mean, it seems like the obvious choice, What separates us from the other living animals? It's that big, sexy brain. The mind. The thinker. The zombie app. (fuck the opposable thumbs and fuck speech and fuck DNA)

So intelligence is good. It's complex, it drives us to create, imagine, develop, survive. Intelligence has got us where we are, will get us farther and farther along, and if evolution works the way it's supposed to:

--intelligent people will have more success than morons
--they'll have better survival rate
--thus a better chance to mate and pass on 'intelligent' genes
--the human species will grow more intelligent

Well, according to The Flynn Effect, this is exactly the case. IQ has been studied in various countries and, on average, society gains 3 IQ points per decade. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flynn_effect (wikipedia can't lie) Cool.

And intelligence is really useful, right?
Yea, actually, it is.

Intelligence is what gives us the ability to manipulate the world around us. Intelligence gives us 'tools' (and not the guys in popped collars kind.) Intelligence delivers us from harm. It bestows on us comfort. It grants us riches.

It protects our possessions, our livestock, our families.
It builds our monuments, our shelters, our factories.
It cures our illnesses, our handicaps, our thirst for more.

So intelligence is definitely on the up?
Intelligence is definitely a good thing?
And intelligence will provide a beautiful future?

--We're all dead.

You know how I know? Cause I'm a dude.

You only need to know 2 things for my theory:
-dudes are dudes
-intelligent people create bigass weapons

That same intelligence and complex thinking that's created some great inventions, cures for diseases and the likes of central AC are no different than the minds that created nuclear bombs, biological weapons, and the DMV.

Men will still fight. Still battle. Still call on revenge. Still assert dominance. It's just what we do. It's only a matter of time before 'our weapons' are on a bigger scale than 'our environment'. And that's not hippie, "peace, not war bro, for WW3" talk either. It just seems logical.

I pound my chest. He pounds his. We run at each other and punch the shit out of everything--someone dies, someone gets hurt--whatever. Big deal. I pound my chest. He pounds his. And we pull out laser-guided surface-to-air 8 million megaton nuclear shells and.... well, alot of things are fucked.

Our 'tools' that elevate us above the animals will be our ultimate downfall. And maybe it just sets back humanity to a pre-tool primitive world. Maybe it all balances out. I don't know dogshit from donuts on what'd happen. Who knows. We're all dead? Cockroaches only ones left? Maybe cockroaches and just giraffes? (That'd be awkward.) Any number of possibilities, really. Which makes me wonder-- maybe we aren't top of the evolution chain.


What if we're just fancy nothing? Who says intelligence, a soul, a sense of purpose in this world counts for anything? Maybe it's just as good as having a fucking multi-color beak. Yea, looks cool, keeps you alive a little longer..... but it's just a beak.

What if the only purpose of life is to 'survive'? To pass 'the seed'? To reproduce--and reproduce aLOT (I'm lookin at you Irish people.) Then does it matter if you have feelings along the way? Does it matter you invented central AC along the way? Does it matter you even changed the earth?

Sure, we like to think about things and we think intelligence is the most important thing and not only do we think we're the most intelligent creature but we probably are the most intelligent creature and that in turn makes us think we're the pinnacle of life on earth.

That sure is alot of thinkin.

But we die the same as the emu. We procreate in much the same way as my dog (when I watch him at night with my infareds). We fight much the same as those two pigeons I saw at work the other day battling over a french fry. Thinking only seems to get you so much. It gets you buildings. And roads. And religions. And finances. And an 'economy' and 'government' and 'rules' and a pretty pompous self-involved view of what life should be. But it is, still afterall, life.

So maybe it's just pretty colorful beaks and we seem only to compare ourselves to the other species of the world in 'beak dynamics'. But I don't think a beetle wants a beak. (I guess if he did he might want it colorful, I'm not sure.) I think a beetle just 'is' a beetle.


It just gets ya thinkin some days. I mean, does any creature think there are advanced evolutionary creatures above it? Would we? Would it even matter in the long run? Who knows. Hell----maybe Darwin was full of shit.

PS - So I don't particularly believe any of this. In fact, I was gonna write a blog on 'machines are actually the next stage of evolution--we just don't know it yet' and include tons of Terminator references and Skynet jokes. Another time.

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