Monday, June 15, 2009

NHL Teams to Hate

It's really tough to cheer for teams in the NHL now. I realized deep in my Flyers psyche I hate most of these teams to the core. There are players here I hate, players there I like, and hate them or love them, I HAVE to watch playoff hockey to live. It makes for a sticky situation when you don't know who to hate more than the other. I even need to watch the teams I hate.

It's a disorder, and I can't help it. I live it, I breathe it, I hate it, I love it. I follow it home. I collect newspaper clippings of it. I watch it from my car window. I read about it. I look at it undressing through binoculars. I dig through it's trash. Healthy relationship stuff. We're in love.

If only she would return my letters written in my blood.

Anyhow, how's a true-and-true fan supposed to root for a Penguins v Red Wings Stanley Cup Finals? Two years running!?

What if the Devils are playing the Bruins?
Who do I cheer in a Habs v Maple Leafs battle?
When do I cheer if the Islanders are playing the Senators?

Have no fear, I'm going to make a list of all 30 teams in order of Hate. And this would take a normal person 2 minutes tops. But like I said, I have the sickness. I need to take into account rivalries w my team, rivalries w other teams I like or hate more, ancient hockey lore from the 30's, individual player transactions and roster moves, AHL farm team affiliations, the last time they won the Cup, their record last year, whether or not they smoked us one time really bad, past playoff battles, whether or not they have an ex-coach or player in the mix, what kind of fan-base they have, what the inside of their arena looks like, the majority of the nationalities on the team, wind resistance, traffic patterns, average precipitation per year, arson history, etc.

And the weird thing is, I think if I made a list in order of teams I Love, it wouldn't just be this same list backwards. So yea, here goes.


1. Pittsburgh Penguins
2. Detroit Red Wings
3. New Jersey Devils
4. Montreal Canadiens
5. Minnesota Wild
6. Toronto Maple Leafs
7. Buffalo Sabres
8. Ottawa Senators
9. Washington Capitals
10. Boston Bruins
11. New York Rangers
12. Florida Panthers
13. Chicago Blackhawks
14. LA Kings
15. Tampa Bay Lightning
16. New York Islanders
17. Atlanta Thrashers
18. Columbus Blue Jackets
19. St Louis Blues
20. Pheonix Coyotes
21. Colorado Avalanche
22. Edmonton Oilers
23. Vancouver Canucks
24. Nashville Predators
25. Calgary Flames
26. San Jose Sharks
27. Carolina Hurricanes
28. Dallas Stars
29. Anaheim Ducks
30. Philadelphia Flyers

So there you have it. Teams I hate, in order of pure, raw, unbridled hatred. Actually somewhere after the first 10 it just becomes "ehh, I don't like them" and somewhere around 27 it becomes "I have a man-crush on that team". Actually, I wanna do teams I like now without looking at my above list and see if it is indeed different.


1. Philadelphia Flyers
2. Anaheim Ducks
3. Dallas Stars
4. San Jose Sharks
5. Carolina Hurricanes
6. Calgary Flames
7. Nashville Predators
8. Vancouver Canucks
9. Colorado Avalanche
10. Edmonton Oilers
11. St. Louis Blues
12. Pheonix Coyotes
13. Chicago Blackhawks
14. Boston Bruins
15. LA Kings
16. Columbus Blue Jackets
17. Ottawa Senators
18. Washington Capitals
19. Atlanta Thrashers
20. New York Rangers
21. New York Islanders
22. Buffalo Sabres
23. Tampa Bay Lightning
24. Florida Panthers
25. Toronto Maple Leafs
26. Montreal Canadiens
27. Minnesota Wild
28. New Jersey Devils
29. Pittsburgh Penguins
30. Detroit Red Wings

I just checked the two lists agaisnt each other. I can't even explain it. This defies sceince. I'm at a loss. I almost want to call NASA. Trust me, the results were accurate. None of this was doctored or altered in any way. Apparently you can HATE a team number 1 and still LIKE them 29th. Apparently I have secret love for the Bruins that makes me HATE them 10th and then LIKE them 14th. I don't know. Notice the disparity to certain West Coast teams though. All very interesting. And yes, I have an uber-crush on the Ducks after this years playoffs. And that uber-hunk Bobby Ryan (Cherry Hill's own!)

So this is my bible. And it will not change one iota. It is written in my Flyers code, and while other Flyers fans may agree or disagree, this is where I'm at. And this is where I stand. Well, at least until free agency July 1.

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